Intimacy with Nyingpo

Chapter II

Intimacy with Nyingpo

I have written this story sixteen years after my encounter with the family of Sonam Yangchen.  I could remember the name of their only precious son as Nyingpo. From my first encounter itself I came to learn that the son was very different from other children of his age. He was courteous and humble. He used to ask me so many questions as if like somebody taught him. However, I came to learn later that such manner was not taught to him by anyone. It was ingrained in his nature and it was spontaneous.

In the beginning, I was not very acquainted with the family, so my visit was less frequent. Over the years, I almost became part of their family members. I visited them frequently. My visit did not have particular time and reason. I visited them whenever I got time. Sometimes I even slept in their house.

It was during such time, I became very intimate with Nyingpo. As I kept visiting their house, I became his close associate. He used to call me Ata and accepted me very much like one of his family members. He used to remind me to come again later when I decided to leave them for my class or hostel for my repose. I was then in my First Year Degree taking English Honours. I used to go to my class regularly. After the completion of my classes, I would have nowhere to go than to visit the house of Nyingpo. His parents being farmers did not have the luxury of time to be in one place. They had to keep moving from their place of shelter to another in search of essential items at home. Whenever his parents had work at Trashigang or Samdrup Jongkhar, they trusted me and used to leave him under my care. The young boy did not have any problem so long as I was near him. I took him to toilet, washed him, fed him and played with him. Sometimes, I joked with him about his sister. I still remember one windy night with him when he was so scared that the wind might blow away the roof of the house. I consoled him saying nothing will happen and put him to sleep though I too was scared internally. The wind that time was not normal. It was so powerful that literally shook the whole bungalow. Fortunately, wind got subsided which enabled us to have peaceful repose for the rest of the night. Much later, I came to learn that He was not an ordinary boy. His birth was filled with auspicious signs. His mother narrated me a story about how He got conceived. As I have written earlier, his family had four sisters and all elders to the only son. After having four daughters, the family desperately wished for one son. Hence, with the consent from father, mother had gone to meet one hermit who was believed to be meditating for life in the middle of forest, far away from human settlement, to get blessing for one son. That eminent figure was well known as ‘Tse Tsham Rimpoche’. Tse Tsham Rimpoche assured the family that they will soon have one extraordinary son.  He also cautioned the family to take good care of their son; not to mingle him with crowd, not to take to the place of birth as well as death as it may defile him. Though the parents knew that, yet they could not keep themselves away from visiting places of birth to celebrate and death to mourn. As warned by Tse Tsham Rimpoche, precious son got affected. His eyesight became weak and poor. He had to make his pupil very small, bend his head to look at somebody at a distance.       

In spite of this small problem, he was brilliant, inquisitive and innovative. On the 15^th Day of every Bhutanese calendar, he used to perform mask dances. He used to call it Guru Tshengay dance. On such day, he used to allow only his father and me to join him in the alter to act as cymbalist and drummer. It was on one such occasion that he commanded me and his father to come wherever he would be in future. He used to tell us that he would not stay at home but be the wanderer.

I always felt warm, assured, comfortable, and pleasant in his presence. When I decided to go elsewhere, I took the blessing from Nyingpo’s body. When I came back, I never forgot to see him first and hand him small present.  

Return of Sonam Yangchen

Chapter III

Return of Sonam Yangchen

As I became regular visitor, I became intimate with Nyingpo and all his family members. Obviously, I also became equally attracted to Sonam Yangchen. My primary reason for visiting the house itself was Sonam Yangchen. My love for her became boundless. But, unfortunately it was silent and without her knowledge. I did not know what her feelings were nor did I try to find it out for fear that I might hurt her. In the college hours, I used to go to library and tried to find excuses to talk to her. Whenever I said something, she used to respond to me with unique smile on her face that made lasting impression in my mind. 

In the mean time, her ICSE results came. She could get through but not good enough to qualify for admission in class XI. She decided to join present Paro College of Education for Primary Teacher Training Course (PTC). While she was leaving, her father and I went to bus stand to see her off.  I could vividly   remember one chit being handed over to me by her before she left Kanglung in a bus that took her to Paro. That chit read like: ‘Ata Yenten, help my poor parents at home. I’ll not forget your kindness’. From that day I assumed that she also had soft corner which she could not express it to me. I then nurtured different feelings and expected different treatment when she returned from her trainings.

I even communicated my feelings of love for her to her parents. Her parents accepted my expression and even with happiness consulted almanac to see whether our elements, years and age matched. Surprisingly, everything came out to be positive. I became more optimistic about our successful future. I felt that I could wait for her reciprocity till eternity.

Time clicked on. I was with her parents most of the time. As her parents were old and had lots of works to complete before nightfall, I devoted my time in helping them solve their problems. I felt that their problems were my problems. I helped them to collect firewood from the forest, dug fields to sow vegetables and potatoes, fetched water and guarded maize fields from wild boars at night by sleeping in barn which was above their bungalow. At times, I used to curse myself bitterly when I slipped off the slippery road while bringing firewood from jungle in monsoon. Nonetheless, I used to forget the pain when I see her mother with a cup of hot sugar tea near me. She would soon be near me with a plateful of rice and kharang. I used to eat till my stomach was full.

The family had one milking cow and as they used to get demands for supply of milk, they took some demand positively. Sometimes, when I did not have period I went to deliver milk and sometimes while I was going to attend my class, I used to drop milk on the door of some lecturers of Sherubtse College. From this particular action, my friends used to tease me by calling me “Sobel”, a character in one of the short stories who had to wait for seven years for his lady love pounding leather. No matter what my friends said, I kept on going about my business expecting Sonam Yangchen to appear in my life to thank me and repay me for my energy. I was expecting that she would complete her training one day and that she would walk shoulder to shoulder with me after marriage. I also started dreaming that we would settle in an urban area with her parents and my parents happily praising our match. When there was chit to her parents from her, I could not help expecting some words for me as well. The sight of the mention of my name or something about me in her chit would make my heart dance in air.  

That year ended. My long wait for her came to an end. She came home to see her parents and spend her winter vacation. On the day of her arrival, I was in my hostel to complete my academic assignments. The next day, I went to see her. I hesitated at first. I could not go near her and I did not know what and how I should introduce myself to her. But, to my relief it seemed everything about me was informed to her by her parents. She came to me and thanked me for everything I had done for her parents. I simply said, ‘please do not mention that’. ‘More than what I had done to them, I had troubled them’. In that manner, we spent our morning.

In the afternoon, mother was revealing to me about her time at Paro, her course and the influences her friends had on her. She continued her story by telling me that her daughter had betrayed them. On my insistence, she continued by saying Sonam Yangchen got married with someone without consulting them. I got one stroke in my heart. After that everything around me became blank. I could not hear what more she did tell me. I could only remember seeing the movement of her lips.

Though my heart got broken, I could not forget to remember that I must act normal from the next day. I did not surrender myself to madness. I acted rationally. I knew, if I acted differently the family was going to get hurt. I did not want to hurt them. By then I had become so close to them that I did not see them anything different from my own parents and family members. It was obvious, they used to call me ‘Ata’ meaning elder brother and I used to address them as ‘Apa’, father and ‘Ama’, mother.

In every sense, I acted in a normal way. I did not give any space for anyone to discover the impact of my broken heart. I went to them, helped them dig the field, prepared the beds, sown the seeds, guarded the field and delivered milk. In addition, I played with Nyingpo, ate with them and interacted with Sonam Yangchen in a normal way. I did not show any emotion even when Sonam Yangchen left for her second year course at Paro in the early spring of 1997. Still, frankly speaking, it was difficult for me to depart from the thought of her in the corner of my mind. Mother would have sensed this strange feelings pestering in my mind. I was sorry because I did not want to trouble them at any cost. However, reading out my mind, I believe she was troubled within. She gathered courage to summon me near her one day and unfolded her mind by saying that I need not disappoint. I could choose to brighten my life with Trashi Dema. As Trashi Dema was seen like my sister till that point, I could not change my mind instantly. I refused mother’s offer by saying I was not disappointed by Sonam Yangchen’s marriage. Indeed, I was happy to learn that Sonam decided to settle with the best partner of her life. These reasons did not convince mother who could sense something strange.

 It seemed two parents had a discussion over night and generated a beautiful plan to offer me. I appreciated the attempt they made to make me reside with them continuously. Mother once told me ‘You must not think of separating from us’. One morning, mother told me that they were going to Khaling to witness ‘Tsechu’, annual ritual there. By then Trashi Dema and Sonam Lhaki were back in their school at Khaling. Mother also added that they would be meeting their daughters. I was asked to take care of my beloved Nyingpo who was left at home.

I stayed home with Nyingpo. I cooked, fed Nyingpo and ate myself. In the evening, mother and father came back. As soon as I met mother, she handed me one chit which was clearly addressed to me. I could not make out the hand writing. It was like I was seeing that hand writing for the first time.             

The Twist in the Story

Chapter IV

Twist in the Story

Mother insisted me to go through the content of the letter. It was from Trashi Dema. I went through the content of the letter and came through the lines which said like ‘My sister’s marriage does not mean end of everything for you. I am there and if you do not mind, I won’t mind being with you’.

That was surprising. I asked mother repeatedly whether that letter was dictated or simply written by Trashi. She told me she did not tell anything to anyone. She also added and asked me to inform what was written. I told her I cannot accept anyone as substitute to Sonam Yangchen. Since she was gone for good, I did not want to think about anybody.

Mother and everybody became mum. I attended their programs on daily basis. One evening I retired home from firewood collection little tired. I went nearby the hearth to warm myself. Father was about to drink ‘ara’, locally brewed alcohol. He was offering me to taste little. I attempted little. That was refreshing. Maybe it was psychological, but I felt I forgot tiredness. I got different experience. I do not remember whether I ate supper that night. The next morning was fresh and normal.  I went to attend my classes by assuring them that I would return in the evening. In the evening, father offered me another cup of ara. In that manner I became a habitual drinker. One might think that I drank to drown my past memories. One might also think I became drinker because father offered me. No, I deny all that allegations. I drank because I developed inseparable inclination to the taste of ara. I drank wholly awake to the fact that drinking alcohol is not a healthy habit.

By the time it was time for Trashi Dema to come home for summer break, I became a habitual drunkard. I drank in the morning and afternoon when there was no program in the College. It became difficult for me to sleep without ara at night. Ara became my faithful partner. Trashi Dema and Sonam Lhaki came home for vacation. May be because I did not love her, I saw her differently that time. On seeing curly haired, shaggy, sickly and spectacled Trashi Dema, I remembered the chit sent by her and the evening when her mother narrated me the story of her.

Later, I heard through mother that Trashi Dema was a sickly child since birth. She had heart problem and that she was short-tempered child given excessive freedom for fear of amiss. She too told me that they expected one caring, patient, and devoted partner for her.

Reflecting on all these, I got one feeling that I could give her love as expected and take her for heart transplant beyond Bhutan, if necessary. I had seen myself drawing near her every new day. I came to understand her better every time I had a talk with her. Slowly, I could share my soft corner for her. I used to give her a card with expression of love. She too reciprocated my words by responding in equal terms. As mother informed, I came to learn that she was really short-tempered. With little wrong in choice of words, she used to react sharply. My days with her sometimes used to end in a big misunderstanding. I used to seek mediation between us from ara and sallow everything along with it. The following day used to be normal. Our talk would start in a friendly manner. In that way, our relation ensued. But before it got amalgamated and culminated into a marriage, something unexpected came in between us too.           

It was in June 1997, a fresh batch of class XI joined Sherubtse College from different schools. I cannot tell exact number of students from different schools. However, they came and joined different streams viz. Science, Commerce and Arts based on their merits. One day Trashi Dema handed me one addressed envelope to be delivered to one boy from Jigme Sherubling, Khaling. I thought they might have been a classmate or close associate when they were down there. I did deliver that letter. In good faith, I delivered the second letter as well. However, reaching the third letter, some sordid thought within me forced me to open the envelope and go through the content. Though, I was fully aware that opening others’ letter without permission was a crime, yet, I could not refrain from tempering it. I went through the content and found out that the letter was a love letter. Straight away, I went back and charged her for using me as their postman. I did not know, whether she wasn’t aware or was pretending, while I was accusing her, she was asking me what the problem was. I had to tell her straight that I was not happy with her for concealing something from me. I clarified to her that if she was bent on the feeling that she would not be happy with me I would not compel her to stay with me.

From the next day, I forgot everything. I forgave her for her mistake. I told her that I would help her become successful with her boyfriend. She assured me that she would not keep any contact with him. She also told me that her parents will not be happy if they hear about all that. I promised her that her parents will not know of that story. Only if I tell they would know. But I had decided not to tell them at any point of my contact with them. She regretted for her action and wept bitterly in front of me. Still, I thought that she would be happier with her first love than with me. I wanted her to be happy in her life.

Over the time, I made friend with him. His name was Tshering. I took him to her house and introduced him to her parents as my friend. I accompanied him till he became acquainted with the family. Slowly, I tried to divert my attention; by not going to her place, by staying in hostel with my friends. It was difficult for me to lock myself inside the hostel. I was addicted to going to her house. There was an indication that even her father could not remain without me. He might have had something queer lest I had problem. We had become close like son and parents. Father came to ask me what was wrong and why was I not coming up. He used to insist me to come. He was a very good father. He was so precious for me to lose. I went up on his insistence. By the way, I hope readers will have the question why am I repeatedly using ‘went up’ in relation to her house. Let me explain here that her house was located to the north of Sherubtse College where I studied. This is the sole reason why I often use ‘went up’ while sharing my journey from college to her place.

I continued my life as earlier. However, over the times, I had to remind myself of my commitment to Tashi Dema. I thought I must find new means to engage myself. One means I could discover as a result of my meditation was that I decided to change my course of movement. I went towards a place called Namla which is about five kilometers from Sherubtse.

How I met Delker

Chapter V

How I met Delkar

It was there in Namla I met a woman named Delkar. She was a divorcee and had a daughter.  I thought I would make friend with her so that I can forget Trashi Dema. I went to her place and spent one whole day with her. I drank alcohol which she offered to me. I did not know how much gallons of alcohol I drank. I did not also know how the sun had gone beyond the mountain that day. When I woke up, came to sense, I found that I was enveloped by darkness. At around 9.00 pm, I got thoroughly relieved from the influence of alcohol. Though it was late, I decided to go to hostel. However, she prevented me by saying that I could spend the night at her place since it had become dark. I insisted on going when she was adamant on holding me back. In what I would like to call a tug of war between us, she won ultimately. I stayed back. She was alone at home. Her daughter had gone to her relatives’ place to study.

We spent the night together. In the morning, before I left her alone, she came to me and asked me to come again. I promised her that I would come to her frequently. Five days after spending a night with her, I went to meet her again. She was alone. We had a talk on various topics. In the midst of our conversation, I happen to ask whereabouts of her daughter’s father. She narrated me the story about how they met and how he left her behind forever with a daughter in her womb. I also came to know that he was one ex-collegian. As we became intimate over time, she told me whether I also won’t leave her. I promised I won’t betray her.   

In the mean time, I could not forget my old house and parents as I expected. I went to meet them occasionally. During one visit, mother asked me whether what she heard about Delkar and my affairs were true. I denied it saying that she had heard the wrong story. She told me that I must not think of having affairs with her. She warned me that Delkar was much older than me. Mother told me that as she had true motherly feelings for me and that she wanted happiness for me. When I was with mother I thought I could forget Delkar. However, when I was near Delkar, I did not have courage to tell her that I did not like her and that I did not want to continue my relationship with her. In that manner, I got torn in between several thoughts: thought that Delkar was older than me, thought that I would be hurting Delkar if I stop to meet her abruptly. In that way, my relationship with Delkar continued.

One spring when I returned for my last year’s course, I came to hear that she had miscarriage of my child and that she nearly died in the process. I heard this from the persons nearby her. On the other hand, other persons away from her told me that nothing of that sort had happened to her. She had designed that story with the deceptive intention to trap me and keep me with her forever. Whatever, the story may be I met her once after my graduation. It became possible when I came to attend my convocation in 1998. After that I could not meet her personally. Only time I heard about her was while I was there at Samtse for my PGCE course. She felt betrayed and that she happened to talk to others that she would report the matter to court. I took that seriously. I found ways to inform her that I would be remitting Nu 10,000/- and that there was no reasons for her to report the matter to court. After that I remember having remitted Nu 2000/-.

I am guilty for not being able to give her Nu 8000/- more as I promised. Whenever, I move through Namla I expect to see her. But I failed to see her till this day.

I can vividly recollect and rate her. I know she was a generous person. She fed me with everything she had while I was studying at Sherubtse. There is no denying the fact that I enjoyed everything with her: food, shelter, and time. My time with her was one of the best times in my life. Though I failed to help her in my life, yet I do not forget her in my prayer and will not forget her as long as I live. I hope, she will have comfortable life and hope she will get good life after death. Her heart was generous and bountiful!

Golden Child

Chapter VI

Golden Child

Whenever, I go to meet father and mother, I never forgot to pay my homage to Nyingpo. I either asked him to place his palm on my head or touched his body with my head. Nyingpo was really a distinct child. Mother used to repeatedly tell me that a caretaker would come some day to take him from them. However, there was no sign of anybody coming to them even when the child neared three. Quite worried, mother went to meet ‘Tshetsham Rimpoche’ to consult him whether anybody would really come to recognize him. Rimpoche assured mother that she need not doubt that. Nyingpo’s impending greatness was well known to me and his family. However, the news of somebody coming to recognize Nyingpo was concealed from others. It was not made public.

It was little more than three year old for Nyingpo. Nobody came to him. Mother became more and more impatient. It was during that time, preparation for annual Drubchen in Kanglung public Zangdopelri was going on in full progress. The seven day Drupchen got convened under the auspices of the then Lam Neten of Trashigang Dratshang. During that time, His Holiness, Born Great, Nyingpo insisted his mother to take him to meet Lam Neten. Mother took him.

May I be inspired, may I get the right guidance to write about His Holiness. With my body, soul and speech submitted under the feet of His Holiness, may I with right knowledge vow to write about His Greatness. I write this to subjugate the irresistible desire in me. 

 I write this as I heard about His holiness from mother. Actually mother has to be addressed as “Yum” and father as “Yap” as we usually do it to the parents of a Great Being. But, since I became close to them, rather than addressing them as expected, I address them as “Apa”and “Ama”. I was told that as soon as Nyingpo reached near the alter where Lam Neten was presiding the Drubchen, he asked mother to allow him to go near Lam Neten and make him sit beside Lam Neten. As he wished, even Lam Neten let him sit there for the last three days. When a team of monks left for Dzong after the completion of one week Drubchen, His Hiliness insisted mother to let him accompany Lam Neten. It is obvious that parents would love their children beyond reason. Mother resisted sending His Holiness with Lam Neten out of love. His Holiness wept bitterly which ultimately won the sympathy of mother. Leaving mother behind, father had to accompany him to Trashigang Dzong. That was the last time I had seen His Holiness at Kanglung.

His Holiness had gone to Trashigang to stay away from his father and mother. His home, sisters at home, cattle and small productive field surrounding his birth place were forgotten topics to him. After two days, father came back from Trashigang Dzong saying His Holiness commanded him to go back. Coincidentally, there was National Day Celebration at Dewothang in 1998. His Majesty, Fourth Druk Gyalpo was the Chief Guest for the celebration. During that period, all Lam Neten of the eastern dzongkhags got the extension of invitation to attend. Lam Neten of Trashigang had gone down to attend the celebrations. In the meantime, it seemed Lam Neten of Trashigang got golden opportunity to communicate to His Fourth Druk Gyalpo about the presence of extraordinary child with him at Trashigang. His Majesty got leisure time to command Lam Neten to present the child in front of him. Thus, the child was presented where His Majesty Fourth Druk Gyalpo interacted and interrogated the child to find out who the child was.

His Majesty with his compassionate mind, commanded the four Lopens to take the extraordinary child to Thimphu. The four Lopens ushered an extraordinary child to Thimphu and enthroned him as Reincarnation of Gyaltse Tenzin Rabgay. He was given the new name as Gyalse Jigme Tenzin Wangpo and offered his former seat in Tango Monastery.

Till he was there in Kanglung with his parents, he was speaking Sherchop and kurteop. He spoke kurteop because his parents were Kurtoep speaking natives. He spoke sharchop because he was born in the heart of Sharchop-speaking people. But one miracle that happened oven His Holiness was he could learn totally new language, Dzongkha as soon as he reached Thimphu. That was seen as miracle because he did not speak dzongkha even once when he was there in Kanglung. I myself interacted with him in Sharchop or Kurtoep.                     

Now I consider him as a Golden Child, my Guru, my teacher. Even while praying I place his image on top of my forehead. I am waiting for time to ripe to extract and smear some of His wisdoms over my veins. I am fortunate that I came across such a great personality. Though He is nothing to do with my family, yet by virtue of knowing his family, I feel I am so close to him. Every year I go to meet him and to seek refuge in him. I listen to his wisdom and come back satisfied. I will keep visiting Him and getting his blessing till my last breathe.

The last time I visited him was in October 2012. He advised me to serve our Nation with dedication and sincerity. His Holiness advised me to remember Tha Damtse and Lay Judey and uphold Tsa Wa Sum above everything.  I was asked to refrain from corrupt practices. I was asked to serve my organization to the best of my ability. “No force on earth can pull you down if you are upright”, His Holiness added. If I keep all his advises in mind while executing my duty, His Holiness assured me of His blessings. After getting these advises, I do not think anybody, possessing any heart would differ to do anything otherwise. I for one cannot even, let alone doing the opposite, dream of drifting from His Holiness’s golden words. His Holiness’s golden words would be placed in the centre of my heart and would remain as my guiding principle so long as I work with human beings, aspiring to get enlightened.

Chapter VII

My Relationship with the Family

The family of Rimpochhe stays in Thimphu. I am at Yangtse. If we look at our map, it is like one in the east and other in the west. Still, I must say our warmth and closeness is not lost. I contact them frequently over phone. I keep track of what and how their conditions are. Whenever I reach Thimphu for some official purposes or personal, I never fail to visit them. I feel and call them as my own father and mother. They also bestow their love to me and my family.

Sonam Yangchen and Trashi Dema stay at Paro. The former is a teacher and the later a self-owned business woman. She owns her saloon and earns enough. My relation with Sonam Yangchen has become normal. We talk and ask about each other’s conditions. Whenever, I reach Paro, I sleep and eat in her house. That is normal.

But, I will not be satisfied to leave my talk and relation with Trashi Dema as normal. I must begin to share about us by saying that I am married now and has three children: two Daughters and one son. She too is married and has four children. This is not what I intend to confide it.   

Three years after our separation in 1998, I met her in Mothithang. I was going to meet her parents then. I did not have idea about where they were staying. So, I called father to ask where and in which part they were staying. Father sent her to get me. On seeing her for the first time, some feelings that cannot be described and explained ran through the drains of my veins. On the way, I came to learn that she was expecting. I congratulated her. But, she was expressing her dissatisfaction. She was saying that till that time she was getting insulted from her mother for not settling her life with me. I came to learn that she was not happy with her husband either. She was sharing the story of ill treatment by her husband. From there I came to learn that by acting as catalyst for their marriage, I had made a big blunder. It was I who introduced her husband, when they were just friends, to her parents so that her parents agree to their marriage and that they continue satisfied life. But, hearing her story, nothing of what I thought had happened. She was suffering. At the least, she was undergoing mental suffering.

Later, I heard that she got divorced with her husband after having two children. I analyze that she was not wrong in signing a divorce deeds. She was ill treated, to reiterate. She was kept with her parents while her husband was enjoying carefree life in Gedu HSS. She had a strong heart. Even though she heard how her husband was enjoying being flirt many times, she did not believe it. Intending to know the truth by herself, she took uncomfortable journey with her children. On seeing her for the first time, rather than getting excited, he questioned her why she had come. One woman was also seen with him inside the room. When that strange woman asked him who the newcomer was, he answered by saying that she was his friend. Is this digestible? How could have Trashi Dema felt at that moment? We get thousands of questions. But, she digested such insulting words with ease. It was good of her. 

I, as a person feel that she was not responsible even if she was the one to insist upon their divorce. However, I for sure, do not know who proposed the topic for divorce first.

When I met her next in 2005 at Paro, she was married to another man. He was a driver by profession and was running one taxi. I came to learn through her that she wasn’t happy with him either. Not because they weren’t in love with each other, but their loves were torn apart by the mother of husband who was almost to say an Osler. All her story of sadness was giving me intolerable pain. This drew my sympathy and love out for her from the corner of my heart. I always intended to make her live in peace and happiness.

By proposal and choice, she was to become my wife and mother of my children. But, I altered everything. Not because I did not love her but because I saw more happiness in her with others than me. I was wrong. From this unforgiveable mistake I came to understand that human beings are short sighted. They cannot foresee things beyond certain range.

At one time she even told me that my Jangchup Sempa, compassionate mind that sacrificed my love for others was responsible for her suffering. That awakened guilt conscious mind in me. The feelings that I made wrong assumption of her happiness generated some feelings of compassion almost like love in me. I told her that she need not worry and bother about her husband’s treatment. I assured her that I would always remain behind her as the sun of happiness. “No matter even if all people inflict unhappiness in you, I shall always be there to comfort you and give you happiness”, I comforted her with a hug.   

Since then we became close once again. I kept in contact with her over phone. We shared our expression of love over SMS. She told me that she felt happy the moment she heard something about me. She laughed to her heart’s content while conversing with me. She told me that she almost forgot to laugh when she was with her husband. Before I left her she would appoint time to contact again. In that manner, I ensured that she was happy and that she found meaning in life.

I was pursuing my Masters degree at Paro College of Education since 2005. Every winter I had to report for my course there. This means I could get time to meet her every winter till 2009. One winter while I was going to meet her, I came to learn that she gave divorce to her second husband. She was alone then. I became free to meet her anytime. I did not hesitate to stay with her in her saloon so long as I had time at my disposal. I was observing how she was gracefully applying ointment on the face, how she was expertly plucking eyebrows, and how she was making others wash their faces in hot steam. I was enjoying the way she laughed, way she talked and expressing of satisfaction she made for being able to get rid of her second husband. For the first time, I came to realize that she was sizzling, graceful and that she was one of the most beautiful women this world could ever produce. I came to learn that a single woman will not be able to successfully rear children and qualify them as human being, no matter how determined she is.  Indirectly, sometimes, I was giving her hint to remarry. She told me she was fed-up of husbands who were stone-hearted and block-headed. “I would be in position to marry you or person similar to you”, she was joking. I joked back reminding her of my three kids and wife. “So what, divorce them like me. It’s easy”, she laughed.

By this description, everybody would feel that I was having extra marital affairs with her or some sort of passion that reveals physical relationship I was nurturing secretly with her. I deny all these. It is true that I loved her. But I loved her to simply keep her happy. My love for her was not sensual, not physical in any sense of my word. My love for her transcends human world. It is somewhat metaphysical in nature. I must say that my love for her was purely Platonic. I was giving her shelter to rest in peace and happiness as long as she was with her husband who did not treat her well. However, I could not read her mind thoroughly. When I was away, she kept ringing me and expressing me her love. She kept informing me about her husband’s ill treatment and her unhappiness. Wherever we met, she kept asking me whether I can shun my wife and children. You know, what I said. I kept telling her repeatedly that I can keep my family as well as her family happy together.

Over the times, maybe she came to understand that I was simply giving her company to keep her happy or maybe she got her right choice, I got the news that she got remarried. I could confirm this when I last met her in 2009. The husband, younger than herself, working in Air Aviation Department, Paro agreed to take care of her along with her two children. This is good news for me. I went to meet them in 2012 when I had to collect my mark sheets for my M.ed programmes from Paro College of Education. I had lunch and dinner with them. Over my brief encounter with him, I came to learn that he was little reserved but good at heart. I became assured that he would take good care of her. With words of satisfaction and prayers for good luck at heart, and with last hug, I left her the next day.    

I felt relieved. I felt that my mission of keeping her happy finally culminated. Her marriage with new husband gave me happiness and time to relieve my love for her in the air. I felt that time has come for me to withdraw my pseudo love which incited unnecessary hope in her. I know if I continue my contact with her, I may be doing more of damage to her than good. I must limit and withdraw my feelings from her so that she can prepare to generate happiness for herself. I finally ended my trusteeship of her.

I do not think it wise to call and keep in touch with her. It is not because I have stopped loving her. It also does not mean that I will bar myself from meeting her in my life. I will meet her whenever necessary. I will attend a call in case she calls me. Last time when I was opening my facebook account, she was online. Within a short moment, I got a message from her. I responded and chatted for some time. It would have become never ending because she was saying her husband had gone to Singapore and that she was alone. She was in a mood to chat with me for any number of hours. I also had to respect the feelings of my wife who was watching me chatting with her, so I found alibi to cut our chat by saying that I got a guest and that I must halt abruptly. I had to say thank you for being with me. The last response I got from her was ‘Very bad, very v bad’. Seems that she was not satisfied stopping our chat abruptly. I felt deeply sorry but was helpless. What could I have done? For that matter what could anyone in my shoe have done? I simply had to muse, if we have to come together, it may be possible in heaven. Yea, we are made for heaven.

Made for Heaven

Chapter VIII

Telepathic Relationship with the Family

Giving halt to our relationship does not mean that I will limit my contact with her family members. My bondage with her family members will remain unless deaths do us part. I meet her parents every time I go to Thimphu. Though I may not have anything to offer, yet I never failed to meet them. I get chance to meet my own parents not before three years, but I met them once every year. In fact they have become more than my parents. Every time I went to meet them, I made it a point to spend a night with them wherever they were. I have slept with them in their meditation hut. I spent time with them in a secluded place. It has been a practice and it will happen forever.

Rimpochhe, their Godly Son, has become my own Guru. Of course, I have not taken any religious lesson from him till now, still I consider him as my personal Guru. I am waiting for a time to sit below his golden throne, prostrate under his feet and hear some words of wisdom so that I can practice in the rest of my life. I make it a point to visit his Holiness once every year. I assured Him also that I would come to Him once every year. I consider Him above anything-my family, love and wealth.

I keep telling my wife that after my two elder children’s graduation I am going to lead a pious and secluded life much away from them. It is sounding like a mere joke to them but I mean it. One day, I am leaving everything behind and going to seek refuge under Almighty. I have learnt that life, wealth and comfort of this world are meaningless. I have also learnt that we are sent here to do well and think good. I must fulfill that greater mission of ours. I must reach Almighty through my Guru, Rimpochhe. When His Holiness was of two years of age, He used to command His father and me to come to see him wherever he be in future. I cannot forget that. By that He might have meant to remind me to take refuge in Almighty.

As of now, I have very good rapport with His Holiness. Every time I visit Him, He used to find time to converse with me. I do not want to spoil this relationship. This is one reason why I have decided to stop my relationship with Tashi Dema. I reserve our love, if there is at all between us, for heaven!