It was 2nd March 1974, the time I was born. Maybe at the time of my birth, superstition loomed and had its stronghold over my birthplace. I have small incidence to narrate to validate this statement. Some strange miscalculation of my Creator made me ill that panicked my parents greatly. That circumstance compelled my parents to take me to a Shaman for consultation regarding the reasons for my illness. The Shaman suggested that I was wholly possessed by evil spirits and that I would become alright only if I was adopted by him. It seemed my mother, for fear of my death and out of her priceless love for me as I being their first child, literally let him have his wish. Coincidentally, my health got restored. My candle of life that was almost blown off by unfriendly wind rekindled again. It might have been a moment of extreme joy for my parents. Frankly speaking, I find it hard to believe that I was possessed and that I regained my health after being adopted. Question pertaining to this incidence still lingers over me. Nonetheless, I have his thought in mind and gratitude at heart for miracle he would have performed to cure me. I always have him in mind while saying my daily prayers. I hope I may not be misunderstood for being ungrateful by readers, not mentioning his name here. I was told that he breathe his last much before I attended three years and much before I could imprint his image in my mental slate.
My birthplace was approximately four hours walk from dzongkhag headquarter, Pemagatshel. The uphill journey on foot was unimaginable. Having to cross countless gorges and ravines, a thick forest where the wild animals, scary and humble, hungry and filled are aplenty, and leech infested paths, even to the native villagers who cannot escape travel, the task was sedating and daunting to imagine. Similarly, the people residing in other places, when compelled by circumstances to visit village, never stepped foot to its direction before giving several sighs. To say the least, communication was difficult to penetrate. Till late 2009, the condition of my place remained distraction for my eyes. It becomes obvious that not many people of my village are fortunate to be born with silver spoon in their mouths. Many people are deprived of the blessings of education when people in other places are claiming to have touched the ceiling of cent percent literacy rate. They are economically backward and survive from hand to mouth.
Comparatively, I feel that my state had been better than others in my village. My father was serving in an army at Damthang, Haa. Much before I was exposed to hostile conditions of my village, I was lucky to have taken there by my father. I got an opportunity to attend my first schooling. I do not remember encountering any significant difficult situations except few incidences of bullying by senior boys, and unnecessary canning, clamping of two fingers by placing pencil in between, and pinching mercilessly on soft parts like cheek and armpit by some drunken teachers. The reasons for teachers’ punishments were not necessary and it was absolutely unquestionable. But, at home, things used to be normal. On weekends and holidays, I used to play marble game, hide and seek, go for skidding (crude form of skiing) in the snow and ice far away from home, the whole day with my friends and I quite often sacrificed my lunch for play. I treated the ecstasy I received from the company of my bosom friends as everything and denounced the punishments I received as insignificant. This golden era persisted in my childhood life till a whirlpool of wind blew over my family which resulted in my parents’ divorce. I did not know the cause and do not wish to know it now. To me, both are my parents. They still remain as my two beautiful eyes with which I see the whole world. The decision they struck together might have been taken after long discussions and contemplations.
As a matter of fact, my mother did not have place to live in an army family line. So, she decided to leave for home that compelled me to live with my father in an army camp as I was almost mid-way through my class III in the academic session of 1985. I was then put in a different world where there were no children at all. I did not have company to play and talk. The adult company I was surrounded, even if talked, talked to tease me asking how many girlfriends I could make in school or when I will marry. Most of the time, our conversation and short interaction ended when I declined to respond to their query or run away out of shyness. My one year stay in alien and adult world had made me almost dumb.
The following year, I was entrusted upon my distant relative at Wangdi Phodrang to give me education. When I reflect at my time with them now, I feel that I had been fortunate. It was one significant time where I had grown mentally, physically and in manner. I regret for having this realization too late. I nurtured and reposed with different feelings when I was with them. I had learnt to cook all three meals a day on Sundays and holidays, serve continuously, and interact with guests of different ranks and positions. I was asked to come home right after the school time. I was asked to complete my home tasks. I literally did not have time at my disposal for game and play. At times, I used to shed my frustration by murmuring alone in the kitchen or like a loner howling in the desert, for allotting me all the works. Varied and strange thoughts overcast my world. At difficult times, I even blamed my parents by relating my bad luck upon their deeds. I rejoiced at people’s praises of seeing greatness in me as I was displaying perfect manner in front of them. In the midst of imbalanced and undetermined journey, I completed my class VIII from Wangdi Junior High School in 1990. When the initial part of my candle exhausted, I was tossed hither and thither by the wind of disappointment and warmth of satisfaction.
People say boarding life is where we lose our freedom. But, to me this sounds just the opposite. I found boarding life, starting from class IX till the completion of my degree at Sherubtse College, more than freedom: no cooking, no washing except what is ours, no disturbance while playing and absolutely no one bothering us while studying. In fact, whole circumference of time was with us that made us difficult at times to justify the time we had allotted for different programmes.
The crux of the matter I wish to share through this short autobiography is not to talk of all these but to talk of how I survived all evil designs to elevate myself to the present stage. Since my early till the late boarding life I had encountered friends; who tried to cast evil thoughts in me so that I could be an accomplice in their evil acts, who tried to help me through thick and thin, who came to me to learn and who made me learn through them. I also came across friends, who were into gambling, alcoholism, consuming tobacco and tobacco products, truancy, and fight. I had one bed neighbor who had problem in waking up early and who used to get furious at me if he found me having left for morning study without him. As frequency of late rising became accumulated, warden was rendered helpless to whack him for three consecutive mornings. The worst thing was that, on the third day, warden warned me by saying he would have no sympathy with me if he saw me near him anymore. He even rubbed his polished stick over my nose. I was so scared that I could not think of staying back without reason. It became a nightmarish experience to avail permission to lounge in hostel even when sick.
In my pre-university level in Sherubtse College too, I was not spared of bad companies. Surprisingly, my first roommate who was one year senior to me happened to be one drug addict. Every evening study time, he used to vanish from the hostel. When he came back late evening, he used to come off balance. If I hadn’t stored and readied his share of dinner, he used to seriously send me out to get him anything from anywhere. When I did it, he never had strength to hold plate most of the times. My thought of feeding him went waste quite often. Anyway, almost like one appointed to cater him, I did my service of storing any edible items available in the mess on the particular evening. What he had done to me was little ragging, if I may share it from adults’ perspective. But, as simple roommate then, I never had this feeling.
One late evening when everybody went into deep sleep in the comfort of darkness, when only howling of the dogs was heard from a distance, he took me silently through the thickly grown bushes. He signaled me to hide. I followed him without a word. He ultimately asked me to pluck the fruits and pick few leaves and grind it hard in between my palms. I did it. After few moments, he appreciated me saying that what I had done was more than perfect and extracted something from my palm by scratching it with his fingernails. After rolling that extract into round marble shape, he told me whether I want to try out the magic. He tried to persuade me by reiterating that it would give peace and calmness to a person. He quite often deflected me from studying snatching my book telling me that I need not wreck my head unnecessarily. Instead, he suggested me to study little before examination taking the magic pills he would prescribe for me. He tried his best to influence me and convert me as his follower forcibly. I was lucky I could remain unmoved like a solid rock.
I thank my Guardian Deity for placing me as his roommate. Had it been someone other than me, anything could have happened to that unfortunate person; he would have fallen easy prey to his temptation, he would have considered the senior as authoritative and sought opportunity to swap room, he would not have tolerated his bullying and ragging nature that ultimately would have flared up into wild fire and the matter would have exploded and gone beyond the four walls of the room. I know inexperienced roommate, howsoever strong and determined to challenge him physically, would not be his match as he was a seasoned fighter. The moment I heard of fight, be it between individuals, or in groups, one person would always be him. He used to come to room, caught by few well-wishers, sometimes profusely bleeding from nose and sometimes with bruises all over his face and chest. One night he crept out of room in silence and banged our neighbor’s room so hard. I could not help but to go out and see. On seeing me, he shouted at me to bring the sickle which we usually keep it on our locker. Councilor, who was equally shocked like me and others, of the wild noise, had to come out for intervention and to calm him down to sleep. The next afternoon he was looking fresh, I dug out the incidence that led him to that wild and scary behavior. He was simply laughing which made me conclude that he simply might have had nightmare.
My time with friends was both garlands of experience and burning sensation of travelling through infernos. I now realize that had my Creator not implanted in me an extraordinary power of resistance that could resist and overcome the snare of temptation unfurled everywhere I stepped, I would have fallen prey to my seniors or to my level friends. I was in a susceptible stage in many ways; I was without the armour that parents used to bequeath to their child through parental guidance, I had come out of suppression of my strict guardian where I suffocated immensely and hence I could have, unaware made deafening cry into air to release pressure, and I laid bare against cold and icy hands of peer negative pressure. The world I was in then was no better than dungeon where people suffer. I suffered numerous temptations.
Though I did not have my parents near me, I had the feelings, always with me, that I was from a broken family and that I would not have any luxury to waste time and resource like others. This thought guided me all through the journey of my education. It gave me strong urge to excel in studies to do well in life to make one proud that one could do well even without the support of parents. It does give me proud. I shared this on many occasions and wish to share this to people with pride. I do not know who installed this value in me. Whoever it is, I must say, has given me the coffer of treasure that I loved dearly and would have protected and preserved even at the cost of my life. Whoever it is, has given me, which I like to call it, whether right or wrong, ‘extraordinary power of resistance’. What I am now is all because of this peerless value. I think it is not apt to leave my talk here. Let me bring out the significance and essence of my burning candle.
I was exposed to strange world where any friend would have been necessary. But, I chose not to accept friends without letting the ones pass through the test of sieve. I championed and protected my burning candle against all hostilities. At this stage, I see my burning candle having almost reached its equator (half). I understand that I was not the only person hailing from divorced parents. As teacher, as assistant principal and principal, I have seen many children from broken and bereaved families. I have also had equal count of abandoned, disadvantaged and orphaned children. As a matter of fact, I see children who are less as well as more vulnerable than my state. I have come to learn that their mood becomes fragile and susceptible to negative influence. The frequency of mood swing in them far exceeds mine. They undergo tremendous mental agony. They feel as if they are walking through the sharp jigsaw edge of a saw which inflict unbearable pain. They feel like jumping off to the place which outwardly seems safe to land. Some already jumped and regrettably bartered seventh heaven for fool’s paradise. I feel some students have reached the stage where rectification by mere words is impossible. Like my preceding paragraphs, succeeding paragraphs too may hardly make sense to persons like them. They may easily shun my words as idiosyncrasy. My energy too is too precious to waste on persons who do not heed.
I do not either have psychological prescriptions to the ones who are clinging on like cat on the wall or undergoing mental dilemma. I just have to remind them to peruse my brief life history and cling on to one good value. Chant that value every time they come across a person with boneless tongue who could create hell of heaven and heaven of hell. Those persons are to be avoided thinking that they are wolf in sheep’s skin. Refuse their approach for every stride they make towards you, they would poison your mind and block the outlet of your rationality. I implore you to try these out for even if it doesn’t prove effective, I assure you it wouldn’t harm you either. I have learnt that parental and elderly guidance are important but consolidating one’s own mind is indispensable. Everybody dreams, judges, and concludes about others based on what one is. God’s state is great. It might not have created man, when God first created man, to make him revolt against self or to make him grow as a destructive force of the world. Understand it and indulge in action that would make you worthy of God’s creation. Whether you follow it or not would depend upon how strong the feeling of narcissism rooted in you.
I have lived my life and as mentioned earlier reached contented half. I have now become the father of three children. I stand highly fortified. Human greed, vices, tricks, threats may surely not find strength to match its fortification. However, before the flame of light reaches the snuff, I must confess that the unfriendly winds try to blow me off. Likewise, the diseases with different tentacles suck the vital juice of my vital organs threatening my very existence. Still, I tell with assurance and reiteration I can brave both human and natural hazards.
I no longer wish to hop to different professions. I have joined my teaching profession not out of options, as many people say, but my love for teaching and love for students. Throughout the length of my service for children, I would follow the invaluable advice imprinted in me by my Chief Guru, Chief Abbot, His Holiness Gyeltse Jigme Tenzin Wangpo, reincarnation of His Holiness Gyalse Tenzin Rabgay: not to be self-centered in your service to humanity, not to indulge in corrupt practices, not to have even in your wildest dream about slight feelings of doing what is forbidden by law of the Kingdom, serve tsa-wa-sum with dedication and sincerity of body, mind and soul. Place your King above everything else. There is no equal match ever born. You must treat everyone the same.
Your Holiness, You know how much I revere You. It is too precious to forget a syllable you have bestowed upon me to bless my being. I would not forget YOU and those words of guidance. I would treasure it at heart and carry it forward as my guide till my last feeble flame puffs off into the air. I wish to share it with the ones who may need it and value it. I wish to tread on with it beyond the boundary of my life, but only God knows whether I may have the boon of it. I wish to have my final slumber, in the tender, spongy, cozy and breezy arms of my Creator, after accomplishing my missions! May I be blessed!
Note: Written for my students who have reached the crossroad of Hope Way and Dope Way. Careful reading may give them idea to tread through hope way. And those not travelled far through dope way too may get little idea to turn back and have redemption.
