Unrequited Love

‘Karma is coming home today for her break’, said Karma’s mother to Lodhen. Though, Karma’s full name was karma Euden, she was called as Karma most of the time by her family members. Lodhen’s happiness knew no bound. He was almost dying to meet Karma Euden, his heart throb. Six months of separation seemed to him like six years. Since the day he saw her, he had fallen in head over heal for Karma Euden. Strange coincidence brought them together.  Lodhen was in Pelri College to pursue his degree course. One day, Lodhen and his friends took a short stroll towards the canteen, owned by one Indian labourer. On the way they came across a man who looked almost in his late 50s. Spotting that man, Lodhen got sudden gush of urge to ask him where he was going and where he was staying. The man answered him that he was going to shop for purchase of necessary items and that he was staying above the canteen. He also invited Lodhen and others to his place on weekends. He added that he worked in Pelri college long time back as night guard.  Whenever we meet someone, we offer them something like ara, doma, chocolate or at the least our words expressing our wish to offer but having nothing at that instant. That is our Bhutanese civility. But, Lodhen took that beyond what we could understand. He decided to go to that man’s place. He wasted no time. The very next day he climbed up for about fifteen minutes through the heart of the canteen to reach that man’s place. Following the direction and description given by that man he did not have slightest confusion in locating the same house. The house was a bamboo hut surrounded by green and tall maize plants. The path leading to the door was clean and had beautifully bloomed flowers on both sides. The air was fresh. It was really welcoming. He treaded cautiously wondering what to tell on seeing that man and his family members in their house. Suddenly there was a barking sound of a small dog. Then, sound of a girl was heard. Soon a girl came out and showed her best smile to Lodhen. Lodhen was mesmerized. In his last 20 years, he never remembered having seen a girl so beautiful like her. The smile she bore on her face was so fresh and clear that made her look like moon on the full moon night. Lodhen felt that if she was seen on clear full moon night, people would find it hard to differentiate her from the actual moon. Later, it is this unique appearance of Karma that propelled Lodhen to compose a poem linking her to the moon… thy moon-like face freshens and brightens the gloom underworld, my native abode, wavy picture flashing close to my eyes, of natural beauty I never had drunk, O! thou dark-dispelling moon!.... The words she uttered were so sweet like pure honey. Lodhen could not help but to think that she was damsel from fairy land having come to deliver him from this problematic world to the harmonious heaven.  She implored him to come into her house with a beautiful twist of her soft tongue inside her petal- like lips. The way she walked was elegant. Lodhen noted every move she made. He wanted to learn more of her so he thought of holding her little more for fear that he might not get chance to talk once inside, in presence of her parents and relatives. He asked, ‘Are your parents inside? I have come to meet your father… the surrounding area is beautiful… and peaceful, and so on’. Her response came to him as a relief. She responded, ‘No, they have gone to the jungle to collect firewood’. Lodhen summoned his courage to go in. He became awe-struck to see the bamboo hut on the exterior decorated with thankas, Bhutanese traditional paintings, small altar filled with statues and portraits of great enlightened beings in its interior. Lodhen thought that even if there was heaven he would see only that many Gods and Goddesses. He was enthralled. He saw one cute boy who was Karma Euden’s brother. He was just 2 year old but in speech and action, he seemed matured than many elderly persons. He greeted Lodhen and offered him to sit. Within short interval, Karma brought a steaming cup of tea. It was that cute little brother who asked Lodhen to drink.  Thanks to the generosity of the family.  Lodhen drank it without leaving even the last drop. He thought even if it wasn’t sugar tea, the tea would have tasted sweet. Through their short interaction, Lodhen came to learn that she was student of Samcholing HSS and that she was studying in class X. Lodhen asked her whether she used to come home during breaks and vacations. He also asked whether she would be coming home that winter vacation. ‘Yes, I will come home. Where would I go? I have not found better home than my parents’ home,’ said Karma. Lodhen almost asked her whether she would be happy to see him in her house when she came home for her next break. However, they could not continue, as her brother reminded them about their parents’ arrival. Both of them remained mute.  Seeing father, tired and filled with sweat on his forehead, Lodhen told him that they might have gone too far to collect firewood. Father greeted him and told him that they did not get firewood easily. Lodhen apologized them that he had come for stroll but accidentally encroached their territory. Both father and mother were kind-hearted and told Lodhen in one voice, to come any time he got free. Lodhen was highly gratified at their kind gesture.  Day after day, he paid visit to Karma’s family with frequency of both visit and stay increasing every day. Long before it was time for Karma to leave for her school, Lodhen had become a regular visitor. The desire to see her became uncontrollable. With each passing day, Lodhen felt more enchanted by her grace, sweetness of words, manner and artistic at household chores. Lodhen wished that Karma had finished her studies and that she needn’t go back. That was a mere wish. Soon, time for departure knocked Karma’s door. She was getting ready with her belongings. Lodhen standing near her said, ‘Do you know how much I will miss you because I have started loving you’. ‘Yes, I know that. You can come to my school to see me sometimes,’ she laughed. ‘Let us talk about it later,’ she said as she started carrying her baggage. Her father came and offered his help. She denied by saying that it was very light. Lodhen snatched her bag and told her and father to lead the way to the bus stop. They waited for an hour seeing each other’s face. Words chocked on Lodhen’s throat while trying to speak. She might have felt the same or different, she did not speak either. In the mean time, bus arrived and she boarded on to it. Before the bus moved away, she handed him one chit in presence of her father.  Lodhen became impatient. The urge to read its content was irresistible. He parted from her father saying that he was going to hostel. Before reaching hostel, he opened the chit to unfold her words: ‘Lodhen, I am grateful. Do whatever you can to help my poor parents continuously. I’ll never forget’. Lodhen was overjoyed and at the same time regretted the ensuing two days for he could not express his genuine feelings for her. After three days, Lodhen paid a visit to her parents. Mother narrated him a story about how Karma neared death and how they had to take her for heart treatment when she touched just 3 years. Mother added that they did not have hope of seeing her serving the government as civil servant. She rather expressed her wish to look for a caring husband who would not mind spending any amount for her treatment. This story inflicted pain that could not be described, and made Lodhen even more sympathetic towards her.  Lodhen was about to ask whether he could promise in front of them that he would do every possible thing to fulfill their wish when mother herself suggested him whether he could do it. What could be the response of Lodhen who was waiting to express this himself to her parents?  As asked by Karma through her chit, Lodhen helped her parents in doing almost everything: from ploughing to sowing seeds, from grazing cattle to milking cows, and from going shopping to collecting firewood. He worked like a real member of the house. In fact, Lodhen did more than what Karma’s hesitant words could communicate. Time and again, Lodhen used to receive letter from Karma. No matter how she wrote the main content, the conclusion of her letter always used to be ‘I’m indebted to you and would remain so forever…yours truly.’ Every time he received letter from her, he became light-footed, more motivated and interested in remaining with her parents. The winter approached. Lodhen was eagerly waiting to see her. She came home, this time more graceful than earlier at least to Lodhen. She spoke expressively. The way she described things was highly poetic. Lodhen loved the words she coined and the sentences she constructed. Seeing small word written by her scattered, Lodhen wondered how she concluded and whether anything was written for him. He used to have unparallel joy, if he discovered something of him in it. In the midst of drinking her sight to quench his thirst, time approached for Lodhen to leave for home. Throughout the journey, he was dreaming of Karma Euden. When awake, he used to see himself near Karma in her house and when asleep, he used to see her near him. He was reminded several times by his friend sitting next to him for laughing hysterically in his sleep.  Two days later, Lodhen reached his parents’ place. He found his parents’ home totally devoid of interest. He lost appetite.  He did not have peaceful sleep. He felt that he was being haunted by some curious phenomenon. He, no more enjoyed the company of his parents and relatives. Their presence did not make much sense to him. He was lost in dreams almost all the time. His parents suggested him to go and see doctor. But, he convinced them that he was alright. Days reckoned for months and months for years. He was thinking when would his two months break end so that he could go back and meet Karma. Literally, he was striking off the date and day from his calendar, early in the morning to count the number of days left.  The thought of completing his break gave him little solace. The reason for his sickness was ‘love’.  Finally, his long wait to meet her came to an end. He met her. They became inseparable. They spent time together almost like married couples. However, there came a twist in their story. A fresh batch of students from different schools joined college in class XI. One day, while Lodhen was going to his hostel, Karma caught his hand and handed him one letter addressed to one boy in class XI. She told him that they were good friends in their former school. Lodhen, who had no inkling of doubt carried out her errand. Next time too, he was asked to deliver a letter to the same person. He took from her hand but reaching the mid-way his mind got lured by the devil of temptation to tamper and read it. On going through it, Lodhen came to learn about the intimate relationship between them. At first, Lodhen could not react. Ultimately, he decided to dig out the truth from her. He went back and told her that he delivered her letter and asked her whether she had any special message for him. She said it was a normal friend letter. Lodhen knew the best. In fact, Lodhen had seen this world more than her. In age, in experience and in education, Lodhen surpassed her. It wasn’t a normal letter. Lodhen prompted her by saying even if it was any special thing there was no reason for her to feel guilty. She asked Lodhen whether he heard anything about them. Lodhen nodded.  She then narrated the story of how that boy approached her and how she refused his approach, and many more which Lodhen did not take note of. She assured Lodhen that she would harbor no more relationship of any sort with that boy. Lodhen remained unmoved which made her feel that Lodhen was hurt. She shed tears. Amidst tears, she was pleading Lodhen not to get hurt…no special link…nothing,… if parents knew…disappointed… in her unusual expression  and her poetry broken. She pleaded him that if Lodhen wished she would even try to plug stars from heaven and bring precious stones from the depth of the ocean. She shared her true feelings to Lodhen for the first time by saying ‘Lodhen, you won’t believe me, in fact, I love you more than you do’. By patting on her shoulder Lodhen said, ‘I know that’. Lodhen assured her that he would forgive her and that her parents would not know about this incidence at any cost. Lodhen was expressing truth. He would not let her parents know this. This was beyond the permissible range of his pious heart. He only thought of the ways to make these two young innocent hearts unite.  Once, Lodhen met that boy and asked him whether he had time to accompany him to Karma’s house. He accepted at once. They went together and Lodhen introduced him as his friend to the parents of Karma. Lodhen gave time for that boy to get acquainted with Karma’s family. All through, Karma tried to be with Lodhen and tried her best to make him speak to her. However, Lodhen averted her gradually. Lodhen reduced the frequency of visiting her house. Once her father even stepped into the room in his hostel to ask what happened to him and why he was not coming to their place. Lodhen replied in normal ways saying ‘Apa, these days I have lots of assignments to be completed and lot many things to prepare for my examinations. I will come little later. How can I be so ungrateful to forget your hospitality so easily? How can a child forget his own parents? You all have become my second parents.’ Lodhen found it difficult to resist his temptation to visit her house. Against his wish, he had to decide to visit Karma’s house once and for all. She asked Lodhen, ‘What the hell has come upon you? Why have you changed? Have you forgotten your promise?’ Lodhen simply replied, ‘Take care of Namdrup, he has a heart of gold’. ‘I knew you never loved me right from the beginning,’ retorted Karma. ‘You are clever to know about me before things became too late. I am sorry for trying to play with your life’, submitted Lodhen. While moving back to his hostel he muttered, ‘You are wrong, my dear Karma, gravely wrong, my love is eternal, its unfathomable abyss directs me to let you loose to go with your love’. Lodhen’s courage to relinquish his own heart throb calls to mind Socrates’ philosophy: ‘To the one whom you love, you must be in position to give him poison, if asked for’.  What could anyone in poor Lodhen’s shoes do? In the other fronts, Lodhen would have so many reckonings. But, in the battlefront of love, Lodhen accepted defeat. Yet, he remained satisfied that he could accrue one merit of uniting two young hearts.                                    Note: The persons, places and incidences mentioned in the above story are fictitious. Any                  resemblance to any one is purely coincidence.