Chapter VII

My Relationship with the Family

The family of Rimpochhe stays in Thimphu. I am at Yangtse. If we look at our map, it is like one in the east and other in the west. Still, I must say our warmth and closeness is not lost. I contact them frequently over phone. I keep track of what and how their conditions are. Whenever I reach Thimphu for some official purposes or personal, I never fail to visit them. I feel and call them as my own father and mother. They also bestow their love to me and my family.

Sonam Yangchen and Trashi Dema stay at Paro. The former is a teacher and the later a self-owned business woman. She owns her saloon and earns enough. My relation with Sonam Yangchen has become normal. We talk and ask about each other’s conditions. Whenever, I reach Paro, I sleep and eat in her house. That is normal.

But, I will not be satisfied to leave my talk and relation with Trashi Dema as normal. I must begin to share about us by saying that I am married now and has three children: two Daughters and one son. She too is married and has four children. This is not what I intend to confide it.   

Three years after our separation in 1998, I met her in Mothithang. I was going to meet her parents then. I did not have idea about where they were staying. So, I called father to ask where and in which part they were staying. Father sent her to get me. On seeing her for the first time, some feelings that cannot be described and explained ran through the drains of my veins. On the way, I came to learn that she was expecting. I congratulated her. But, she was expressing her dissatisfaction. She was saying that till that time she was getting insulted from her mother for not settling her life with me. I came to learn that she was not happy with her husband either. She was sharing the story of ill treatment by her husband. From there I came to learn that by acting as catalyst for their marriage, I had made a big blunder. It was I who introduced her husband, when they were just friends, to her parents so that her parents agree to their marriage and that they continue satisfied life. But, hearing her story, nothing of what I thought had happened. She was suffering. At the least, she was undergoing mental suffering.

Later, I heard that she got divorced with her husband after having two children. I analyze that she was not wrong in signing a divorce deeds. She was ill treated, to reiterate. She was kept with her parents while her husband was enjoying carefree life in Gedu HSS. She had a strong heart. Even though she heard how her husband was enjoying being flirt many times, she did not believe it. Intending to know the truth by herself, she took uncomfortable journey with her children. On seeing her for the first time, rather than getting excited, he questioned her why she had come. One woman was also seen with him inside the room. When that strange woman asked him who the newcomer was, he answered by saying that she was his friend. Is this digestible? How could have Trashi Dema felt at that moment? We get thousands of questions. But, she digested such insulting words with ease. It was good of her. 

I, as a person feel that she was not responsible even if she was the one to insist upon their divorce. However, I for sure, do not know who proposed the topic for divorce first.

When I met her next in 2005 at Paro, she was married to another man. He was a driver by profession and was running one taxi. I came to learn through her that she wasn’t happy with him either. Not because they weren’t in love with each other, but their loves were torn apart by the mother of husband who was almost to say an Osler. All her story of sadness was giving me intolerable pain. This drew my sympathy and love out for her from the corner of my heart. I always intended to make her live in peace and happiness.

By proposal and choice, she was to become my wife and mother of my children. But, I altered everything. Not because I did not love her but because I saw more happiness in her with others than me. I was wrong. From this unforgiveable mistake I came to understand that human beings are short sighted. They cannot foresee things beyond certain range.

At one time she even told me that my Jangchup Sempa, compassionate mind that sacrificed my love for others was responsible for her suffering. That awakened guilt conscious mind in me. The feelings that I made wrong assumption of her happiness generated some feelings of compassion almost like love in me. I told her that she need not worry and bother about her husband’s treatment. I assured her that I would always remain behind her as the sun of happiness. “No matter even if all people inflict unhappiness in you, I shall always be there to comfort you and give you happiness”, I comforted her with a hug.   

Since then we became close once again. I kept in contact with her over phone. We shared our expression of love over SMS. She told me that she felt happy the moment she heard something about me. She laughed to her heart’s content while conversing with me. She told me that she almost forgot to laugh when she was with her husband. Before I left her she would appoint time to contact again. In that manner, I ensured that she was happy and that she found meaning in life.

I was pursuing my Masters degree at Paro College of Education since 2005. Every winter I had to report for my course there. This means I could get time to meet her every winter till 2009. One winter while I was going to meet her, I came to learn that she gave divorce to her second husband. She was alone then. I became free to meet her anytime. I did not hesitate to stay with her in her saloon so long as I had time at my disposal. I was observing how she was gracefully applying ointment on the face, how she was expertly plucking eyebrows, and how she was making others wash their faces in hot steam. I was enjoying the way she laughed, way she talked and expressing of satisfaction she made for being able to get rid of her second husband. For the first time, I came to realize that she was sizzling, graceful and that she was one of the most beautiful women this world could ever produce. I came to learn that a single woman will not be able to successfully rear children and qualify them as human being, no matter how determined she is.  Indirectly, sometimes, I was giving her hint to remarry. She told me she was fed-up of husbands who were stone-hearted and block-headed. “I would be in position to marry you or person similar to you”, she was joking. I joked back reminding her of my three kids and wife. “So what, divorce them like me. It’s easy”, she laughed.

By this description, everybody would feel that I was having extra marital affairs with her or some sort of passion that reveals physical relationship I was nurturing secretly with her. I deny all these. It is true that I loved her. But I loved her to simply keep her happy. My love for her was not sensual, not physical in any sense of my word. My love for her transcends human world. It is somewhat metaphysical in nature. I must say that my love for her was purely Platonic. I was giving her shelter to rest in peace and happiness as long as she was with her husband who did not treat her well. However, I could not read her mind thoroughly. When I was away, she kept ringing me and expressing me her love. She kept informing me about her husband’s ill treatment and her unhappiness. Wherever we met, she kept asking me whether I can shun my wife and children. You know, what I said. I kept telling her repeatedly that I can keep my family as well as her family happy together.

Over the times, maybe she came to understand that I was simply giving her company to keep her happy or maybe she got her right choice, I got the news that she got remarried. I could confirm this when I last met her in 2009. The husband, younger than herself, working in Air Aviation Department, Paro agreed to take care of her along with her two children. This is good news for me. I went to meet them in 2012 when I had to collect my mark sheets for my M.ed programmes from Paro College of Education. I had lunch and dinner with them. Over my brief encounter with him, I came to learn that he was little reserved but good at heart. I became assured that he would take good care of her. With words of satisfaction and prayers for good luck at heart, and with last hug, I left her the next day.    

I felt relieved. I felt that my mission of keeping her happy finally culminated. Her marriage with new husband gave me happiness and time to relieve my love for her in the air. I felt that time has come for me to withdraw my pseudo love which incited unnecessary hope in her. I know if I continue my contact with her, I may be doing more of damage to her than good. I must limit and withdraw my feelings from her so that she can prepare to generate happiness for herself. I finally ended my trusteeship of her.

I do not think it wise to call and keep in touch with her. It is not because I have stopped loving her. It also does not mean that I will bar myself from meeting her in my life. I will meet her whenever necessary. I will attend a call in case she calls me. Last time when I was opening my facebook account, she was online. Within a short moment, I got a message from her. I responded and chatted for some time. It would have become never ending because she was saying her husband had gone to Singapore and that she was alone. She was in a mood to chat with me for any number of hours. I also had to respect the feelings of my wife who was watching me chatting with her, so I found alibi to cut our chat by saying that I got a guest and that I must halt abruptly. I had to say thank you for being with me. The last response I got from her was ‘Very bad, very v bad’. Seems that she was not satisfied stopping our chat abruptly. I felt deeply sorry but was helpless. What could I have done? For that matter what could anyone in my shoe have done? I simply had to muse, if we have to come together, it may be possible in heaven. Yea, we are made for heaven.