Return of Sonam Yangchen

Chapter III

Return of Sonam Yangchen

As I became regular visitor, I became intimate with Nyingpo and all his family members. Obviously, I also became equally attracted to Sonam Yangchen. My primary reason for visiting the house itself was Sonam Yangchen. My love for her became boundless. But, unfortunately it was silent and without her knowledge. I did not know what her feelings were nor did I try to find it out for fear that I might hurt her. In the college hours, I used to go to library and tried to find excuses to talk to her. Whenever I said something, she used to respond to me with unique smile on her face that made lasting impression in my mind. 

In the mean time, her ICSE results came. She could get through but not good enough to qualify for admission in class XI. She decided to join present Paro College of Education for Primary Teacher Training Course (PTC). While she was leaving, her father and I went to bus stand to see her off.  I could vividly   remember one chit being handed over to me by her before she left Kanglung in a bus that took her to Paro. That chit read like: ‘Ata Yenten, help my poor parents at home. I’ll not forget your kindness’. From that day I assumed that she also had soft corner which she could not express it to me. I then nurtured different feelings and expected different treatment when she returned from her trainings.

I even communicated my feelings of love for her to her parents. Her parents accepted my expression and even with happiness consulted almanac to see whether our elements, years and age matched. Surprisingly, everything came out to be positive. I became more optimistic about our successful future. I felt that I could wait for her reciprocity till eternity.

Time clicked on. I was with her parents most of the time. As her parents were old and had lots of works to complete before nightfall, I devoted my time in helping them solve their problems. I felt that their problems were my problems. I helped them to collect firewood from the forest, dug fields to sow vegetables and potatoes, fetched water and guarded maize fields from wild boars at night by sleeping in barn which was above their bungalow. At times, I used to curse myself bitterly when I slipped off the slippery road while bringing firewood from jungle in monsoon. Nonetheless, I used to forget the pain when I see her mother with a cup of hot sugar tea near me. She would soon be near me with a plateful of rice and kharang. I used to eat till my stomach was full.

The family had one milking cow and as they used to get demands for supply of milk, they took some demand positively. Sometimes, when I did not have period I went to deliver milk and sometimes while I was going to attend my class, I used to drop milk on the door of some lecturers of Sherubtse College. From this particular action, my friends used to tease me by calling me “Sobel”, a character in one of the short stories who had to wait for seven years for his lady love pounding leather. No matter what my friends said, I kept on going about my business expecting Sonam Yangchen to appear in my life to thank me and repay me for my energy. I was expecting that she would complete her training one day and that she would walk shoulder to shoulder with me after marriage. I also started dreaming that we would settle in an urban area with her parents and my parents happily praising our match. When there was chit to her parents from her, I could not help expecting some words for me as well. The sight of the mention of my name or something about me in her chit would make my heart dance in air.  

That year ended. My long wait for her came to an end. She came home to see her parents and spend her winter vacation. On the day of her arrival, I was in my hostel to complete my academic assignments. The next day, I went to see her. I hesitated at first. I could not go near her and I did not know what and how I should introduce myself to her. But, to my relief it seemed everything about me was informed to her by her parents. She came to me and thanked me for everything I had done for her parents. I simply said, ‘please do not mention that’. ‘More than what I had done to them, I had troubled them’. In that manner, we spent our morning.

In the afternoon, mother was revealing to me about her time at Paro, her course and the influences her friends had on her. She continued her story by telling me that her daughter had betrayed them. On my insistence, she continued by saying Sonam Yangchen got married with someone without consulting them. I got one stroke in my heart. After that everything around me became blank. I could not hear what more she did tell me. I could only remember seeing the movement of her lips.

Though my heart got broken, I could not forget to remember that I must act normal from the next day. I did not surrender myself to madness. I acted rationally. I knew, if I acted differently the family was going to get hurt. I did not want to hurt them. By then I had become so close to them that I did not see them anything different from my own parents and family members. It was obvious, they used to call me ‘Ata’ meaning elder brother and I used to address them as ‘Apa’, father and ‘Ama’, mother.

In every sense, I acted in a normal way. I did not give any space for anyone to discover the impact of my broken heart. I went to them, helped them dig the field, prepared the beds, sown the seeds, guarded the field and delivered milk. In addition, I played with Nyingpo, ate with them and interacted with Sonam Yangchen in a normal way. I did not show any emotion even when Sonam Yangchen left for her second year course at Paro in the early spring of 1997. Still, frankly speaking, it was difficult for me to depart from the thought of her in the corner of my mind. Mother would have sensed this strange feelings pestering in my mind. I was sorry because I did not want to trouble them at any cost. However, reading out my mind, I believe she was troubled within. She gathered courage to summon me near her one day and unfolded her mind by saying that I need not disappoint. I could choose to brighten my life with Trashi Dema. As Trashi Dema was seen like my sister till that point, I could not change my mind instantly. I refused mother’s offer by saying I was not disappointed by Sonam Yangchen’s marriage. Indeed, I was happy to learn that Sonam decided to settle with the best partner of her life. These reasons did not convince mother who could sense something strange.

 It seemed two parents had a discussion over night and generated a beautiful plan to offer me. I appreciated the attempt they made to make me reside with them continuously. Mother once told me ‘You must not think of separating from us’. One morning, mother told me that they were going to Khaling to witness ‘Tsechu’, annual ritual there. By then Trashi Dema and Sonam Lhaki were back in their school at Khaling. Mother also added that they would be meeting their daughters. I was asked to take care of my beloved Nyingpo who was left at home.

I stayed home with Nyingpo. I cooked, fed Nyingpo and ate myself. In the evening, mother and father came back. As soon as I met mother, she handed me one chit which was clearly addressed to me. I could not make out the hand writing. It was like I was seeing that hand writing for the first time.